so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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