Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
