She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
