mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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