He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
