Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
