what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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