Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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