Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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