so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
