You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
