is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As shirtless as possible
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize