the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
