we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I need to stop coming to work sober
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
