found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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