you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize