Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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