So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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