God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
