I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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