so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
