Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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