ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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