Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
