i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
