the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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