i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
