I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We are two peas in an std pod
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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