I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
