I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize