i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
