hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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