we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
