whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize