Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
