Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
