Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't deserve a penis
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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