Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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