Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I need moral support for this bender
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
