my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
