were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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