i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My liver just broke up with me...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
