Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
