Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize