Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
