She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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