Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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