Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize