you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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