We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
