ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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