How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
