like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
