my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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