Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
