there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
