I wish my penis had an off switch
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
