Just cropdusted the office
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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