I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
