Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
