i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
