So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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