I cannot find my penis.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
