cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
