you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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