Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
