yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize