I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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