Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
