i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize