Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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