oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
