I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
