I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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