i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Jerry, you need to find god
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
