Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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