You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
