he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found a bag of teeth...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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