You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
