im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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