i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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