OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
