I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
