I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
