I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am spending my child support on dildos
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize