i was born a porn star she said
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she looked like the before picture.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
