it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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