try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
